6/17/09
As soon as we pulled into our own driveway of the house we would share in his hometown, it was as if the night before had never happened. Dont ask/dont tell? Outta site/outta mind? Saving face? Call it what you will, but the truth of the matter was that I had chosen to continue on as if nothing happened, which means he had gotten away with, well, whatever he wanted. A pattern was set, and I blame myself.
We settled back into our jobs: He was the ever-lying salesman, out in the world to wine and dine, call and text, work or not as he saw fit, puffing up with success by sitting in the lap of a bloated market in a time when most people were succeeding, improving their net worth, spending lavishly, monetarily out of control. He worked this employment position for all it was worth, eating out extravagantly at lunch or dinner, treating himself to a nice meal even if he had no one else to treat. He talked on his Crackberry most hours of the day, at one point logging in at around 6 to 7 hours worth of minutes - per day, every day of the month. Lord only knows who he was talking to. I, for one, did NOT know, lest we forget the tried and true: Dont ask/dont tell. I can tell you that I am not a military brat, but I obviously would have excelled at it if I had been!!
I, on the other hand, worked at home, alone, in a back office with 2 windows, both too high to see out of unless I stood up from my computer, which I rarely did - HEY, you cant have everything. You see, if I was not physically producing, working the keyboard, entering data lickety-split, I dont get paid. So, every phone call (which I only took if it was my husband or one of my children), every chime of the doorbell (which never happened since I lived in a strange and unfamiliar state), every glance to the left, peer out the window or trip to the bathroom cost me money, and I work hard. Its my claim to fame.
So, while I sat isolated at home in new, foreign surroundings, DH2 went off to work each day to play with his friends, chat on his phone, drive around, shop, eat out and carry on as if life had not changed. Well, it really hadnt. He had no more boundaries as a married man than he had when he was single. If he slipped up, cheated, took the day off, spent the day at the bar, who was going to share that with me? No one, as I knew no one. He was oh-so-lucky to have married the fool who rarely opened her mouth - no complaining or nagging from me. I had not up until then, and I certainly had set the precedent that I would not stick up for myself now. He was free to roam...and roam he did...
As we balanced our married life, doing what most people do every day, movie-going or shopping or dining out on the weekends, we looked fairly Cleaver-ish, pretty normal, unassuming. But, this chickadee was beginning to get homesick, feel quite out of sorts, unappreciated, taken advantage of to a degree, bored....and a-lone.
TODAY:
Since some things were missing out of the big house last time I was there, I decided I might make a few things disappear as well. Well, 1 thing actually. Boy, does it make waves when I finally do open my mouth! I dont like being taken advantage of because I try to keep my mouth shut and not make a big deal out of things or hurt others' feelings. Im not usually paid the same respect. In fact, I very rarely am. I also dont like unprofessionalism. I think this might be a good place to mention once again my favorite idea: Be Kind. People, please. Just be kind.
Ive got a few fun, time-consuming ideas in the works, and its fun to have a purpose, or more accurately a mind-escape, although Im struggling with some family issues right now. Its okay. I just care too much. I need to cut. that. out.
MOOD:
Im okay (a lil pissy - see unprofessionalism comment above). My work is getting more frustrating, but maybe that is the plan. Maybe it is just because I am not paying enough attention. Elle! Pay.a.tten.tion!!!
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