6 - That First Year In Fast Forward

6/19/09

And that is how that first year began, literally at the beginning of the year with a lie. We pretended things were good, and they definitely were different. I should so very much have been looking forward to this newly-married period. Instead, the moment ruined, I spent about 6 weeks at my new home in my new state and then would fly home for a week and work there, or it was 4 weeks away and a long weekend at home. If it was just for the weekend, DH2 would come as well and we would make our rounds with the families, checking on my house, mini-vacationing. My frequent flyer miles were piling on, my carry-on luggage perpetually packed, first-name-basis friendly with the pilot and first officer of the Friday flight home and ditto for the Sunday flight back. I think they were considering giving me my own parking spot at the airport. The funny thing was, the more I came home, the more I wanted to be home. Being home for a week never seemed to scratch my itch. My daughter had gotten married just a few weeks after we had, in a courthouse - because she is smart. I missed my children, and I missed my family. I missed my house, my home, all that was me. I felt like the plucked weed from my home, yet the tiny seed dropped on dry, hard, unyielding ground, unrooted, never to be rooted, in the new state.

It isnt like I didnt try in the new place. I worked on redecorating and updating his house, with his overwhelming blessing. It was a benefit to us both as it gave me something to do and it definitely built the equity in his home. I worked out at the local exclusive gym, got a library card, found a stylist to highlight my hair, met a few friends, went for massages and mani-pedis, read a bundle of books, and missed home. Did I mention yet how much I missed home?

Time was a whirlwind of days filled with a whole lotta nothin'. We both worked, worked hard on his house, shopped and ate out, and watched an eternity of TV. Movies filled the other weekend nights along with a snoring husband, tears of homesickness, a slowly churning dislike building for this new place I would never call home.

I continued to travel and live out of a suitcase and work and just be. Not much more. During this time I had my identify stolen following a break-in of my vehicle while not far from our home. Scary, to say the least. It was a time that I felt lost, off balance, out of sorts, no identity, no phone, no camera, no personal belongings, no debit or credit card, nothing, all in a strange place. It was unexpected, scary, vertiginous, and only deepened my disdain for this place I could walk away from and never look back at the drop of a hat.

Then, within a few short weeks of this, just about the time I started to be able to sleep at night again, to feel a bit more settled, we were hit by a natural disaster. Not an "oh-I-am-so-dramatic" natural disaster. No, this was the "our-house-was-just-on-CNN" natural disaster. We evacuated to another state, taking one suitcase and pictures and only the most sacred items. I felt so lucky I did not have kids or pets or much that I cared about yet in my new location. I felt bad but not devastated the midday that we walked away from that house. I left that day and our town was hit like a bulls eye, head-on, taking with it all the work we had begun on the house, and a month or more of our lives, as I was not allowed back in by the National Guard for a month as I had never had my drivers license name or address changed after the wedding and the town had been completely eviscerated and placed on military lockdown, no electricity or water for weeks. I would not return for over a month. It was a hard time for anyone. I felt bad, but not much more.

Good Lordy - How much more plague and pestilence could someone throw on my plate, in my face, in such a short time to get me to pay attention. Well, Im not so arrogant to think that a hurricane was meant just for me, but I do feel in some small way that I should have taken things as a sign. But then again, you know what they say about hindsight...

TODAY:
Our big house for sale will no longer be available to show unless I am on premises and have opened the house up myself and then lock it myself. I might just happen to mention the words unethical, unprofessional, illegal, unforgivable at this point. These are 4 words that have become personified to me in the last few days. You can only play dumb for so long. People who know better, should act like they know better. I am tired of being walked all over, and I did finally speak up. It was a long time coming, but this time the line was crossed and it will not happen again. I was giving this family too much credit, thinking and often proclaiming how much I liked them, how nice they were. I dont and they arent. Nuff said.

MOOD:
Hhhhhmmmm, stressed and worried. Wishing this next week was over.