3 - Clarification...

4/10/09

After some feedback that my blog seems sad or vengeful or written hoping to gain sympathy, I thought I should clarify a few things. First, my blog is mainly for venting and for fun and for story-telling. I like to write, and when someone suggested a blog,I was very curious, so I started to search. What I found was a lot of blogs by a lot of people with a LOT of talent. Whether it was beautiful photographs of food or children, intricate recipes, artists/muscicians displaying their God-given gifts or people writing thoughtful articles filled with facts, numbers, cited sites, quotes up the yin-yang, Hmmm....feel free to insert a little yellow sad emoticon here - I cant do any of that. All I know much about is my sad, pathetic, painfully bland life, which is comprised in the last few years of not one but TWO sad divorces. Well, when ya gotta write, ya gotta write! So, I though - what the hay! And, lucky you, this is what ya get.

So, this will evolve, be less bland, probably include some pics and snazzy quotes and snippets of music or something, but for now you get the one major clarification I want to add:

DH1 = Good Guy
DH2 = Good Guy

Really. No lie. Both of them are really pretty nice guys that for some reason I felt impossible to remain married to. I just think I have such a set-in-stone viision in my mind's eye of how I want my life that nothing less will do. So, while these guys were really pretty special men, they obviously deserved to have happiness out in the big wide world. Being just with me, spending time just with me, sharing things just with me was not enough for either, and that really is okay. Doesnt make them bad guys or unlovable or loved less by me. It just makes them onto other things and me - alone. If I've said it once, Ill say it a dozen times: Most people dont like me but I kinda do (and thus Im okay to just lead my frazzled little, uncomplicated, honebodied, work-filled, offspring-laden, grandchild-driven life).

I very much want to spend my time working, hearing that all of my family is healthy, happy and on a positive path, reading, keeping in touch with friends, window shopping, traveling, learning new things, starting a new venture,and if I do all that alone, I think Ive come to a place where Im okay with that. I really dont feel lonely, possibly slightly empowered by the calm I finally feel in all of it.

It was a long time coming and a lot of time spent doing "the big, ugly cry," but I think I may be there. Like the title of my blog states, this is MyStupidSecondDivorce = MY. MINE. All MINE.

So, whatever I write, its my impression, my thoughts, my perspective, MY everything. Not so much a reflection or snubbing of these men, but more of a place I just get to say whateverIwanna! HA! Take that, political correctness!

More tomorrow....

TODAY:
Today, I worked. I set up my laptop with work (it took the poor IT dept almost 6 hours - yikes) so that I can now travel and work anywhere I have electricity and an internet connection...Can you say FREEDOM!?? - I am giddy over the thought. I also confirmed a few things with my realtor, made N's Easter basket, had lunch with my DD (Dear Daughter), text my friends, talked to my mom on the phone for an hour, emailed other family members and friends, and attended Good Friday service at Heartland. I really did almost nothing divorce related - maybe that is a clue to my good mood. And so it goes....