4/16/09
Phew! Taxes finally in the mail yesterday and a whole load off my mind! Well, at least one thing off the list...Check! Trying to get that annual pain in the arse done and stamped put me in the mood to start a "to do" list for my divorce-mode group. So, my divorce story will continue with the next post.
I am sure there are others like me who feel sheer panic at thinking of being alone. On the day my best friend found out her husband of 20+ years was cheating and she was divorcing, called to ask me just 1 question: Arent you lonely? At my honestly, her wail was heartwrenching. In fact, I have found quite a few people, some middle-aged, some older AND some VERY young, whose first thought that goes hand-in-hand with the word divorce is LONELY! They are right. So right, not surprisingly, that the wide-ranging implications of that 6-letter word WAY keeps people in relationships that have run their course. No one wants to be alone or lonely, IMO, but it really does go with the territory. In the early stages of MyStupidSecondDivorce, I spent many, many, many hours/days/weeks/months, whining and moaning to my friends (hi cows!), my family, basically anyone who would listen about how horrible it was to be alone and lonely. T-I-M-E was my new 4-letter word. I can tell you honestly that for the longest time that word scared the heckouttame! People would make suggestions,and I would say...yea, but... My perpetual excuse-making for doing nothing and whining about it cost me a few friends. It seemed like I would ask for advice on how to occupy my time but forever would find some excuse to do NOTHING. Not nothing, actually. I kept my house and worked and all the usual activities of daily living, but I was not necessarily live-ing. I suppose if I actually went out and found something fun to do, I would have nothing left to whine about. So, the following is my list of suggestions of things to do to occupy your time (mind) during a stupid divorce/breakup. I am frugal with a capital F, so most of these things are free or very inexpensive:
~Get a library card. If you get one in your town or county, it is usually free. Not only can you spend time there reading, flipping through magazines, etc., its like a free newspaper subscription, they usually host a book club you can join, and may have author "events." AND, there are OTHER people there. OTHER people who can READ - BOOKS, you know those rectangle things with a buncha pages in the middle. Being a place with other smart people is a good thing if you are trying to steer away from the losers/dropouts/dumbos roaming around out in the big, bad world.
~Stop in at the local bookstore. If it is a big box bookstore, it will usually be busy and the OTHERS there probably can also read - see above. I always suggest this. I have a male friend who I suggested this to. He finally did it a few weeks ago. He emailed me quick and told me that a female had approached him, they had a long conversation and they are going to dinner! SEE!
~Join a gym. This may actually cost, but some gyms are not very expensive, usually offset by the amount of money you will save NOT going thru the Burger King since you are working on your new SVELTE self. Again, PEOPLE at the gym! Take your books you checked out from the library!!
~Hit the bike path, beach, walking path, park, etc. in your area. Its good exercise and gets you out of the house and healthier. I ended up meeting up with a jogging partner last summer. It was a younger guy I did not know, had never met, still dont know his name, but we would occasionally run in unison on the bike path and it was FUN.
~Go to the show. Its okay to go alone. Really, its okay. Chances are you wont meet date material there, but it takes up 2 hours of your time, usually enjoyably.
~Take a class at your local CC or wherever. This is usually not expensive. Especially if it is a "fun" class, the atmosphere will be lighter, like digital photography, computers, fiction writing.
~Some neighborhoods have an annual block party or 4th of July party or even block garage sale. If you are invited, go. It may not even be your thing, but it is a good way to get to know your neighbors and who knows where that could lead.
~Find a church. Maybe you have a church - get more involved. Maybe you have long been away from your family church - go back. Never been to church? - look up your local LARGE nondenominational church. This has been a Godsend (yes, pun intended) for me. I have gotten very much involved with my contemporary church. Within the church, there are always ways to volunteer. They also usually offer "small groups" that meet on a more personal level. Think you will be singled out, feel out of place, expected to give a lot of money? - You would be surprised at the new way to do church.
~Go to a bar. Okay, this is SO not me. I dont do the bar thing and I dont want to meet anyone in a bar, but maybe this IS your thing. I do have to say that I like music and have been surprised at the really good talent that you can find at a bar. A bar sometimes will offer dance lessons or a meet and greet time. Anyway, not for me....but who knows!
Ill leave it at that for not and add more later. I think the point is to GET OUT THERE. Dont go looking for a mate, look for enjoyment. You never know who may turn up at these places or who you may meet that knows just the person to introduce to you. It happens every day.
TODAY:
I moved out of the big house into MY house. The big house is up for sale and even with just me there I feel like I am always cleaning up, thinking a real estate agent will unexpectedly have a buyer in to see it. So, easier just to clean it and leave. I worked, cleaned MY house, mowed (I love working in my yard), moved the patio furniture to the deck (come ON nice weather - Im ready for ya), talked to my kids, family, and made plans with some friends.
MOOD: Excellent, happy, getting there...
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