1-Taking the plunge - Again...

4/8/09

Well, here goes. The first day of the humiliation of sharing My Stupid Second Divorce with the world. Why, oh why, would I subject myself to this public expose? Im really not sure. Lets see:

~I have so much time on my hands that I thought I might try this - I have to occupy my mind or I may just go crazy.

~My friends and family are tired of hearing me WHINE about all my divorce woes.

~I only found constructive advice, thoughtful contemplation and blogs full of great coping ideas on my search for a blogger to commiserate with, and I thought a blog of complete and utter stupidity, poor choices, bad decisions and subtle insanity may be a nice change of pace - for all to see.

First, the "hard" facts about me: Mid 40s, gainfully employed, mother, new grandmother, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, friend, not rich but not broke, homeowner, SUV owner, neurotic housecleaner.

Now, the "ugh" facts: Currently beginning my second stupid, stupid, stupid divorce. I should be good at this. Im not.

My story goes like this...Long ago in a too-close land I married my HS sweetheart (actually junior high sweetheart) 3 months after HS graduation. The cheerleader marries the wrestler, and they have 2 children, 1 dog and a LOT of growing up to do. While that marriage sadly ended (by a choice made by someone other than this author), I am proud to say it lasted an uncommon 20+ years. WHAT! Yup...over 20 years. And then, MLC = Mid Life Crisis!!! (OOOOOh cooties - dont touch your keyboard and jinx yourself!) I could not hold a candle at 38-ish to that 25-year-old bartender. Maybe she was interesting. Maybe she was smart, worldly, sophisticated, Mensa memberish. I really dont know. Ive never met her. But, she obviously offered DH1 (Dear Husband #1) something he was not getting from me. And so, off they skipped into the foggy, dewy days of new love, to leave me alone, slackjawed, bewildered, unsure of how to move on, how to get my mind around the idea of being alone again let alone even get my fist around the refrigerator door to retrieve my daily Yoplait.

I did stumble on, took a second job, gave DH1 everything in the Big D just to get it over with, bought a small used car, cried, worked hard, saved, panicked, sobbed, lost a dangerous amount of weight, cried, and then at some point without even realizing it was happening, it occurred to me that I was slowly creating "my" life, my new life - alone. Well, briefly...

In steps DH2 (Dear Husband #2), quite quickly (rebound) Id like to add. A shadowy puppy love from my past (freshman year in HS). So attentive, so loving, so completely IN LOVE with me (wow - someone can love ME???? Leftover scraps that DH1 tossed aside like his wrestling headgear?)!!! I was entranced....

And that is how my story begins....