11 - Let The Planning Begin...

4/23/09

Proposal acceptance = Wedding Planning - YAY! Or so I thought.

I am not your average girl. I would say I am a girly-girl; I love all things princess-y, to a point. I do so enjoy my shopping and can purse and shoes with the best of them, but I am also the most frugal person you may ever meet, the most resourceful, the most lets-wait-til-we-have-a-coupon human being to walk the face of the earth. I loves me some bargains, which in turn makes me practical. So, a wedding (I am to this day obsessed with weddings) was a challenge presented to me on a silver platter with a cherry on top. Oh, joy-joy, dance-dance, joy-joy.

So, getting engaged during the holiday season was quite enjoyable. I shopped for Christmas gifts for my family and friends with my left hand wheelbarrow-aided. That dinner plate doesn't just haul itself around, you know. I was very much enjoying the choice I had made, the seed of planning a wedding planted firmly, any details yet to be discussed. (Have I mentioned a marriage yet?)

Little by little as this happy time bloomed, we began to throw out ideas of who, what, when and where - the why question long ago forgotten (although I did very much care for this man, still do.) We chose a few dates that we thought would accommodate not only us but also our family and friends. We were not young teenagers, self absorbed, thinking for sure everyone would drop their current life plans to attend our happy day. NOooooooo. We knew in this day and age of busy/busy/busy that that would probably never happen, but we did assume our families and closest friends would bend just a tad to at least attend our ceremony. We were excited, especially DH2, who at 40+ had never been engaged let alone married. I had been married, but had eloped at the last minute, a half-planned wedding long forgotten - I think I wore white, I know he wore jeans.

So, with dates X, Y AND Z chosen and offered up on the menu, astonishingly the comments began. My family and most of my friends were open. "Whatever you guys decide we will work around." (I am sure a "we regret" would have been returned by some, but most seemed to genuinely feel whatever we decided would be fine.) People in my life know that I am pretty hard to shake. If a cancellation came at a later date or if some could not attend, they knew I would understand. Miss Etiquette I am not. I understand people are busy, have their own lives, love us even if they cannot physically be there.

DH2's family and friends were a different breed I was soon to learn, so family-oriented, so kumbaya and lets hug when we see each other at the Walmart. HHHmmmm. Really? Those are the only 3 (or 8 or 24 or 72) dates you can come up with? We cant do it ANY of those days as we are having 1) elective surgery, 2) our own vacation, or (my personal favorite) 3) OPTIONAL high school football FILMS (not a game or practice - but films of a game already played) that day.

Oh Brother! Just say no, dont insult us by saying you cannot attend because you are trimming your toenails or picking your nose or may get the croup.

So, the stage was set early for self-centeredness, but we forged on....trying to plan. I shopped for a wedding gown/dress on my own as I did not want to bother anyone (for heaven's sake IIII had done that before), and we both continued to live in different states. How well we knew each other still at this point is questionable at the very least. I cared about him, was happy and continued to travel to see him. We continued to plan pensively a wedding day that was becoming more stressful as the days went on.

And here is where things get sticky: I did mention earlier that DH2 was doing some partying during our time apart. We often enjoyed drinks when we were together, but what he did in his state while we were apart was what I thought may be bordering on inappropriate or excessive at the very least. There was some lying going on, some shadiness, some not being quite upfront about where he was, what he was doing and with whom. I knew but did not WANT to know it. This is a man who could NOT drink if he wanted to for very, VERY long periods of time, but if he did drink, he could not STOP. He would drink to oblivion. One time to the point that people he was with thought he was dead. So, on an occasion in the first few months of being engaged when I had traveled to his state to spend a week working and doing some planning, I came home from a day of running errands to a few friends at his house. Okay, no problem. As the day wore on and they drank more, a few more people showed up, a couple with a baby and then another single female who was friends with them all and who had travelled with DH2 to NY that first Xmas after we first connected. As she held that couples baby and my DH2 (fiance at this point) drunkenly sat in front of her looking at the baby and I stood literally 4 feet away, this female commented on how the newborn was rooting, wanting her breast for breast-feeding like she was the mother, to which my totally drunk DH2 unashamedly replied, "I know exactly how she feels."

SIGH.

TODAY:
Well, today was spent working. I went to the big house to make sure it was ready for the public open house this weekend. It was mostly fine, but I was distracted. I got word from my company yesterday that they were cutting my pay: By 50%. Uhm, hello? Repeat please? Yes, 50%. Perfect timing since I am paying now for 2 houses and all that involves. How, you ask, can a company get away with that? Look at the economy. The answer is they do it because they can. I could quit and get no unemployment and lose my insurance and TRY to enter this job market, or I can work at a job I already know for half as much and keep my insurance, now that I will be single. What do you think? Do I really have a choice? I think not. I also talked to the kids, got my hair cut (too short - holy COW), tried to pack (it did not all fit), made some last minute vacay plans, tied up loose ends, and literally ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Breathe.....

MOOD:
Amazingly: Good. It will be fine. If I die of a heart attack, it was due to stress. Dear Lord, please let me let go.....