10 - Of course, YES!!

5/18/09

Well, of course, he said yes. He agreed to it all, no question, whatever I wanted. I think this was the point for his joy-joy dance. Just tell me when, where, how was his immediate response. I should have never doubted it, silly me. He was all for the whole plan, whatever that plan may have panned out to be. And, why would he NOT be all for it? He had had months to party, act single, act out, sleep with whoever, be an adolescent to the Nth degree. Boy, the man of my dreams!

So, we set plans in motion. A private wedding on the beach, just the two of us, set for just 2 months from then. We had had such a big fuss with his family with the planning of the first wedding, no one being able to single out a day that worked for them all, their excuses ranging from barely believable to absurd. So, this time I was set on making it just the two of us at a private ceremony. His family did not care enough about us to want to change their trips to the library or dog grooming appointments at the last date, so I was taking no chances this time that there would be any arguments in that regard. We would do our thing and send everyone pictures. He was good with that. He would buy a dark suit and I would wear a gown (he had never been married so this was important to him). We would marry on a beach, preferably at a resort where we would also honeymoon for a few days or so. I am a girly-girl but really not fussy. I knew there were only a few things I really wanted at a wedding and they were 1) a certain bouquet I had long ago fallen in love with, 2)a few much-loved verses and readings and 3) privacy - complete and utter privacy so that we could enjoy our day. His family would not be happy, but let them whine; they were going to no matter what anyway.

Again, he was all for this. My family and friends wished us well with great surprise. You see, I had not shared my plan with anyone. I did not want anyone to talk me out of it, and I knew that they were of sound mind for the most part so there was a HUGE chance that they would try to do just that. I was dodging the taking of my shoulders and shaking me bruskly, eyes huge, questioning my sanity. Ha! Take THAT, oh sane ones! All avoided with a well-planned song and dance by me, AFTER the deed had already been done. I may be blonde, but Im no dummy...

So, the ring went back on my finger, a suit was purchased, a site was chosen, along with a flurry of emails from the concierge at this small private resort on a beach, trying to plan a wedding in just a few short months. I had not a care in the world... I was getting married!!!

TODAY:
No work again. The stress is mounting. I wish I could get a break, just a little bit of peace or peace of mind at least. I had a rotten, emotional day yesterday, heartsick after a church service about pivotal moments in your life. My pivotal moment was not about this relationship but about a prized first grandson, lost, so greatly wanted yet lost nonetheless. The hurt just doesnt seem to fade.

MOOD:
Still sad, heartachy, lump in the throat kind of day.