8 - My funny "single" story

5/15/09

Since its Friday, I thought I would share a funny story that happened to me on my trip home from vacation. I have to spill it. It is too classic not to. This would only happen to me...

Of course, Im not yet looking to date. In my mind, at this point, I will NEVER be looking to date again. At least some cancer at this point has a cure; men, not so much. But, I also dont wear a wedding band and was obviously traveling alone on my way back home. I got to the airport VERY early in the AM to catch my plane, before 4:30 AM to be exact. Its the only flight back, so not a time I would choose but the only time available.

Anyway, I arrived at the airport, checked my bag at the curb and continued to the tram to take me to the gate. As I waited for the tram, tired and pretty oblivious to what was going on around me, I did notice two businessman-looking gentleman waiting just ahead of me and off to my left. I noticed them because they were doing a fairly poor job of hiding the fact that they kept looking back at me and then huddling heads for quick exchanges. In fact, it was noticeable enough that I thought maybe it was someone I knew. I checked fairly closely during their next blatant turn-and-stare, but nope - not someone I knew. Both were tall, probably close in age to me (45) or slightly older, wearing jeans - one with a blazer, well dressed, both with laptop cases, both with GREAT shoes. Hummm. Now I am not an ugly frog, but I am also not what you would call a "looker" either. It was quite a few minutes before it dawned on me that they were "checking me out!" No kidding. That so makes me laugh (and also do a little joy-joy dance). We ended up then boarding the tram, and after I sat down, these two gentleman took the seats directly to my right, angled at 90 degrees to me, my knees literally brushing the knees of one of them. Now is when I got a better look. I certainly hope I was doing a better job of hiding my checking THEM out than they did with me.

So, good shoes - check. No wedding rings - check. (I do know this means nothing - I have a brain.) Well dressed, probably businessmen (which makes me think they were probably employed) - check. Traveling - check. Well groomed and smelling delicious - check. Older than me - check. One was bald - swoon and check.

Here is some fill-in on me: Most women my age like younger men as much as men my age like younger women. Uhm, not this chicky. I want a man my age or older, preferably considerably older. I love gray or bald. A uniform thrown into the mix certainly does not hurt. So, as we pull to security, I was thinking it was nice to have attention from a few men that fit my criteria, nothing more.

Fast forward to my gate: After a cup of coffee, it was time to board, a full plane as announced by the gate crew, a full gate to board to my dismay. As they called my section and I am standing well back in line to board, over my left shoulder comes a man's voice asking me if I was heading on vacation or back home. Without turning right away, I was hoping beyond hope that it was one or the other of the businessmen also boarding my flight. So, I turn to find - the man approaching me was Barney Fife's first cousin (Ill call him Murray Shitz b/c that is similar to his real name he later gave me), sporting a thin plaid shirt with mother of pearl snaps conveniently unsnapped Saturday-Night-Feverishly low, short pants, gold chains and big aviator glasses - not sunglasses but glasses. With a quick reply that I was returning home and a quick - yay! that's my row and have a nice flight, I avoided him and boarded the plane.

Once seated and adjusted, book in lap, I slid on my reading glasses only to find "Murray" as my seat partner. Well, joy of joys and lucky, lucky me!!! Well, of course, this is exactly my luck! Hes a talker to boot! Seeming harmless, when he told me he would be in the area working for a few months and that he was a skilled tradesman in a trade I actually have been looking to do some work at my house, I gave him my first name and mobile number (knowing I could screen a wacko) - in case he ran out of work and had some extra time and could give me an estimate...

Quite honestly I am obviously telling this story in hindsight and it had not dawned on me at this point that he was anything other than a harmless seatmate on a plane who could help out with some handyman labor.

I spent most of the flight asleep, and during the final descent while I was trying to enjoy the homecoming, he finally revealed his ulterior motive: He was hitting on me. He was asking me out, trying to establish a place that was common where we could meet near the airport - I had not told him what town I lived in. He actually pulled a stack of lined index cards out of his shirt pocket (yea, I know - ewww), wrote down his name (this is when I learned it) and number, and told me he would call me and maybe we could get together one of these weekends, for a drink or dinner or a date. (Uhm, no.)

Let me say that I do not invest a lot in a person's looks as STBX spent most of his adult life over 400 pounds and I have also dated men who were gorgeous who I was not attracted to at all, but "Murray" definitely was not my type. Maybe it was the index cards or the brush-like "stache" or the black socks with dirty white sneakers. Im really not sure. However, he walked with me to baggage and made more conversation, but when he blew his nose on his handkerchief and then slipped it back into the same pocket as the index card he wrote his name on which was now firmly planted in my purse and pulled his suitcase off the carousel held together with silver duct tape, I knew I had attracted a winner. Please, oh please, dont let this be my crystal ball to the future...