12 - The Week of Our Wedding

5/28/09

The week of our long-awaited ceremony quickly came upon us. How did it get here so fast? You know how it is when something good is on the horizon and it takes for-EVER to get here? Yeah. Well, obviously, this should have been a red flag, smoke signal, something, anything - that it came rushing up like the subway breeze under Marilyn Monroe's white halter sundress and blew me away... I am over-organized, a planner, compartmentalization is my middle name. The planning I did methodically. It came together like elevator doors, quickly and with a snap - Im closing in and you cant stop me!! I worked a few days the week of the wedding and planned to travel mid week. I spent the night before I left out of town tying up loose ends, picking up the last odds and ends to facilitate perfection, every details finalized on this end. During that evening before I left, I received a call from my children and their significant others at my home, accompanied by my friends, who were having a fine time celebrating and popping the bubbly, toasting me and my departure as I waited in the checkout line in some inane shop. Another sign - Everyone celebrating but me! I did make it home in time to tip a flute in celebration and hug and enjoy a short time with them all before they left me alone for the nerves to set in - Was I actually doing this? I think I asked myself this only in a fleeting moment here and there, while my loved ones, Im sure now, wanted to shake me violently and scream it in my face. I was on a mission, one set in motion only a few brief months previously when I accepted that IM message and shortly thereafter told DH2 that we were to be married or we would be forever apart. So, I tied up all the loose ends, packing meticulously; I think I carried that big old white ballgown thru the airport and security. Holy cow. I dont recall seeing uniformed people with straight jackets looking for me, but I am sure at my age people had to be thinking I was certifiable.

That next morning I left my home of over 20 years to make the semi-final move out of state, to change my life, to leave MY life behind. I was ready. I had on my rose-colored glasses, and I was out the door.

The next few days were a whirlwind, finishing details and packing for the final time once I was in his state. I think the wedding was to occur on a Sunday, at sunset, so I had a few days to prepare once there, and it took every minute of those days to feel ready, to talk myself into it, to feel assured, ensured that this was good, healthy, right.

He finished up work that week and accepted congratulations from friends and colleagues. I worked on announcements to be mailed post ceremony, while he watched the Simpsons and packed his suit. Please, laziestmanIhaveevermet - At least ACT like you are putting some thought into this.

That Saturday night he planned to stay at his parents, who lived just 30 minutes away. We were holding to that "dont see each other until the ceremony tradition" as we needed all the luck we could get. Or, should I say, we needed to make sure all the BAD luck was held at bay. No under-ladder walking, wishbone breaking, black cat crossing or stepping on cracks for me....huh-uh. No way. I was taking this seriously, and we were not taking chances. So, the night before, I bid him goodbye, worked on my nails, checked my bags to make sure I had everything, confirmed reservations, and sat down, exhausted. I think I ran myself ragged so I would have no energy to reflect, to contemplate what I was doing.

What was it, again, that I was doing?

TODAY:
Well, I had a little more work today and I pick up a new account tomorrow, so I am hoping to make up some ground with the pay cut by working extra on an extra account. Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. Quite the miscue on the house situation. There is now an open house THIS weekend, which I would not have known if I had not contacted my realtor by chance. She had her dates crossed, and come to find out DH2 will be in town sometime soon and neglected to let me know. Fishy much? He did touch base with me by phone a few days ago and after all this time commented that he was disappointed by how this particular phone convo had gone, thinking I would come to my senses and decide I missed him so much I could not live without him and was moving back to live there and be together with him, married. Huh? Say what?

MOOD:
Oh, its good. If this flippin house would just sell, life would be even better.